Allowing Grief
When we feel exhausted and overwhelmed, often all we need is a little time away.
People I talk to often reserve time on their calendars to process their emotions. We wait until we are in the car, in the shower, or out in the forest on a hike. That works somewhat, so let’s keep doing that.
However, we must also bear in mind that grief doesn’t care where we are or what time it is. So then what? That’s a question we live with daily.
One day a few years ago, I could not understand at all what I was feeling. I thought my day was business as usual. Sure, I did have a conversation with a colleague who was happily moving on from our work together. But that was typical, or so I thought…
That afternoon, I took my yoga mat and asked myself, "What would you have me know? What is this feeling?"
GRIEF
"Grief, what do you need?" I asked. An image of a dancer appeared in my mind. Spotlights shone on her flowing, moody movement.
“I want center stage for a bit.”
As I wept in child’s pose, a vision appeared. I was sitting alone in a theater, and a spotlight beamed at the center of the stage. An ethereal dancer lyrically flowed in sorrowful, faithful grace. Allowing myself to immerse in her art, I wept sighs of release. And no one heard me or saw me crying in a public space.
I realized how easily I wanted to glaze over loss, painting transition as normal and readying myself for what’s next. I didn’t notice that I wasn’t pausing to take in the fullness of my experience.
I gave grief center stage and let her performance change me, soften me.
The Importance of Grieving Fully
My people, it’s time to grieve. It’s time to stop punishing ourselves for being human and grieve.
When we grieve, we invite our vitality.
I’ve taken to grieving in the moment. I will howl, cry, and make guttural noises. Often, it’s not that pleasant for the people around me. And that itself is important for others to experience. We are meant to witness each other in big emotional states and to hold each other compassionately without needing to rush the emotion along.
“There, there…” “Oh, Nicole…” “Don’t cry…” “It’s going to be ok….” “I’m sorry it made you feel that way…”
The more we censor ourselves and each other in our grief, the more we will censor our big joy, our appropriate anger or anxieties—we will censor ourselves from life itself. We will lose the chance to celebrate lives, to let the honest sadness of loss inform us of the preciousness of our days. We will lose the wisdom of irritation and anger, which illuminate lifestyle choices and boundaries.
Embracing Emotional Expression
I’m not suggesting we go on a rampage, crying and throwing sand in our faces or screaming at everyone. I am suggesting we seek environments and relationships where emotions are witnessed.
Somatic skill includes a better sense of…”This is me…this is them…this is the space between… we hold this space and it allows us to integrate.”
We will move between several emotional states throughout the day. Many will pass without fanfare, and others will poke through day after day to get our attention. Emotions are a source of wisdom, and somatic skill gives us the opportunity to soften our minds around our full-body, fully human expressions of emotions.
Many of us did not have environments that supported our full range of emotions as children, making it harder to decipher emotions as adults. And because we may not have access to emotion or the skill to apprentice to the sensations that accompany them, we may not be in work or personal relationships where we can fully grow.
If you're ready to explore your emotions or give grief the center stage it deserves, join me for Attunement: 3-week Somatic Immersion. Through body-based awareness and loving, non-judgmental attention, we'll identify and metabolize confusing emotions together. Schedule a complimentary 30-minute Discovery Call to see if this Immersion is right for you.
